Losing What You Can't Have
by Bobbie23
Summary: Set mid season seven. Emily has met someone, how does Morgan feel about that.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

Losing What You Can't Have

'When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.' Rene Yasenek

She hung up the phone as she stood outside the bar, her back to the smoker's side door. She heard the door open, the music and the sounds of people laughing and generally having a good night filled her ears as one of the patrons stepped outside into the otherwise deserted smoker's area. Emily slid her phone into the pocket of her jeans as she turned to return to her friends. She found herself walking into someone's chest, and a pair of muscled arms wrapped around her, arms that she would know anywhere. Emily tilted her head and met the deep brown eyes of her partner. The intensity she saw there made her pulse quicken and she held her breath as she felt his hands grasping her hips to steady her. Once he righted her, instead of relinquishing his hold on her, Morgan held her in place.

"Hi," Emily said quietly. She had hoped to sound confident, but she knew he heard uncertainty in her voice, it sounded small and hesitant even to her own ears. Emily desperately wanted to look away from his scrutiny, but she found herself unable to. She saw him swallow as he continued to stare at her.

"Hey," his voice was deep and gravely. "I, uh, came to make sure you were okay." Morgan glanced down at her pocket that now held her phone. "How is he?"

That made Emily snap out of the reverie that she was in. "Do you really want to know?" She tried not to wince at the venom that laced her words. She didn't want to argue with him, but he had started it. Emily glanced deliberately at the hands that still held her hips. He released her reluctantly, but didn't step back out of her personal space; Emily didn't back away either.

"Not really," Morgan answered with a shake of his head. "Does he know?"

Emily closed her eyes and bit her lip, wishing he wouldn't do this, wondering why he was doing this to them. "He did ask if there was ever something between us before."

"What did you say?" Morgan knew he was being an ass, and regretted that it was driving a wedge between them. But he had some morbid fascination in wanting to know the answer, maybe just to torture himself.

"Why are you doing this?" Emily asked as she opened her eyes, and Morgan could see them watering and he cursed himself for doing this to her, to them.

"What did you say Emily?" He asked again.

Emily swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "That we're partners, nothing more," she couldn't help adding "that's what you said isn't it?" Emily saw him wince as he glanced down at the ground and he nodded. "Why are you doing this Morgan?"

His eyes reconnected with hers as he stared at her for a long moment. "Does he make you happy?"

"Greg is a nice guy, and he wants to be with me," Emily began, avoiding the question. "Just because you don't want me, doesn't mean no one else does," the words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them.

"I never said that I didn't want you; I said that we couldn't," he told her firmly. "And you never answered my question. Does he make you happy?" Morgan repeated. He wanted her to be happy, needed her to be happy with this guy. He thought it would be easier to ignore his feelings for her if he knew she was happy.

"He's fun to be with, sweet and caring," she said and it was her turn to look away. Something inside of him snapped when she continued to dodge the question, he couldn't walk away if he wanted to. Morgan stepped closer and grasped her hips again, making her eyes dart back to his.

"If you won't tell me if he makes you happy, then answer these," he leant in to whisper in ear. "Does he know how you shiver when I traced my fingertips along your spine?" Emily damned herself as she closed her own eyes when she felt his lips brushing against her ear, his splayed fingertips stroking the base of her spine. His aftershave overpowered Emily's senses as she found herself drawn into him. "Does he know how you moan when I kissed you here?" Morgan placed a small kiss at the corner of her jaw, just below her ear. Emily couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips. She leant into him as her hands reached up to rest on the top of his arms as he held her hips. "Does he know how you screamed my name when I made love to you?" Her eyes snapped open as his words registered and she pushed him away, stepping back so there was enough space between them.

"Stop it Morgan," she spat as stepped back again. "We can't keep doing this. You can't keep telling me you want me only to walk away again."

"Emily," Morgan began his voice full of regret. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Her eyes softened as his dejected posture. "I'm also sorry I walked away that morning."

Emily breathed out the breath she had been holding. "What's changed since then? We still work on the same team, the fraternisation rules are still the same, and the senate committee is still watching us closely. I know neither of us is willing to risk the team in case it went wrong, you made the decision to walk away. For a while I was annoyed at you, but you made the right decision," she told him gently. "You need to figure out what you really want." Her hand brushed against his as she moved past him to go back to the bar.

She was abruptly stopped as his fingers curled around her wrist, tugging her back to face him. Their eyes held for a moment before he spoke. "I know what I want."

Emily sighed as she tugged her arm away, her fingers brushing against his as she slipped from his grasp. She walked back towards the door of the bar; her hand was on the handle when she heard his admission.

"I want you." Emily paused before shaking her head and re-entering the bar.

Morgan slumped against the wall of the bar and his head tilted back against wall of the bar as he heard music blaring for a few seconds as the side door opened, a moment later there was a loud slam followed by silence as the door shut again. Morgan's pulse was still racing as he closed his eyes briefly, waiting for the adrenaline coursing through him to drain away.

'_How had it come to this?_' He wondered to himself.

Author Note – should I continue? Do you want to know how it came to this? Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Author Note – this chapter is based around the episode 7x15 _A Thin Line._ It starts before, and finishes after, giving a bit of background to chapter one, I also reference a deleted scene from 2x16, which I wish they hadn't cut. I must admit I was quite frustrated with it, which is why it's taken me longer than usual to write, hopefully I've done it justice. Let me know what you think.

Losing what you can't have – chapter two

Three months previously

"So his name is Graham?" Morgan asked as they walked up the stoop to the front door of Emily's building. He tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling he had as they discussed her upcoming date.

"Greg," Emily corrected with a sigh. "He's a friend of Will's, and JJ wants to play matchmaker. I have no idea why I said yes," she told him as she shook her head.

"If you don't want to go, don't go," Morgan replied.

"I've already said that I would," she groaned. "Unless we get a case, I'm going on a blind date." Emily tilted her head to the side as she turned to rest her back on the door. "Does that make me weird?" Morgan raised his eyebrow in question. "That I'm hoping for a case," she explained.

Morgan smiled at the frown that graced her features. "No, it makes you honest. Why are you going if you don't want to go?"

"JJ launched a surprise attack when we were at lunch with Garcia," Emily explained. "It's very hard to say no to those two when they're excited about something." A deep chuckle escaped from him as he nodded.

"Okay, I'll give you that's it's difficult to say no to Garcia. But JJ's the one who set you up; she's not likely to set up with anyone that bad, would she?"

"I don't know," Emily drawled out as she unlocked the front door to her building, holding the door with her foot as she turned back to Morgan. "She tried to get me to call Mick Rawson a few years ago." She laughed at the disgusted look that contorted his face.

"Really?"

"It was either that or get a cat."

"And you got Sergio," he said smiling. Emily raised her eyebrow as she heard the sound of relief enter into his voice but didn't question it.

"He doesn't hog the covers," she explained, making Morgan laugh again. "Do you want to come up?" She asked as their laughter died away.

It wasn't that late, they'd been out to a dinner and movie with Garcia, Kevin and Reid. After which they had all gone to a bar across the street from the movie theatre for a drink. The others had left early, dreading the Monday morning blues, leaving Emily and Morgan to have another drink before he walked her home, all the while teasing her about her impending blind date.

"We got an early morning training session with some new agents," Morgan said as he thought about her offer. He was torn between wanting to spend more time with her and needing to walk away before they did something they may later regret.

"That's not a yes or a no," she said quietly. Before meeting the others earlier that evening, she and Morgan had spent the entire day together, starting at the shooting range and then hanging out before getting a call from Garcia to see if they wanted to meet up. It had been a nice day, and she wasn't quite ready for him to go home yet, a feeling that she kept having over the previous weeks as the amount of time they spent together outside of work steadily increased. Emily was sure that she had seen the disappointment flash in his eyes when they parted. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Emily knew it was part of the reason she didn't want to go on the date. "Do you want to come up?" Emily asked again, biting her lower lip as she waited for him to answer.

Morgan looked at her in silence for a moment, the slight widening of her eyes, the apprehension, anticipation they held. This was dangerous territory for them. Apart from an odd occasion, they hardly ever discussed any romantic relationships. Though they had always been close, their initial connection had been built on a shared love of Vonnegut; something they discovered while discussing a particularly embarrassing date of Emily's when she first joined the team. The look they had shared as they bumped their coffee cups had been one of fascination as they recognised a part of themselves in the other, a small spark of intrigue. He found her attractive, but he hadn't given it much thought until an observation of Reid's had made Morgan recognise the signals that were being bounced between himself and Emily. They never discussed it, never acted on it. The team, their work was more important. But their flirting and easy banter, unlike the exchanges between himself and Garcia, had subtly highlighted the invisible line between them.

When she had been relocated to Paris, both of them had been consumed by thoughts of what if and regrets of never crossing that line. The combination of those thoughts and the shock of Emily's return had blurred that line between them. Despite those first few weeks where their interactions had been strained between them, they had strived to repair their relationship, and in the process they had deepened their bond.

"I should probably go," Morgan's voice was thick as he unconsciously stepped closer. They had felt the electricity flow between them all day; the flirting, the teasing, the subtle, but appreciative look he gave her when she emerged from her bedroom after changing, the spark when their hands brushed as Emily snagged some popcorn.

"Probably," she whispered, as she stepped backwards into the foyer of her building, holding the door as she waited for him to decide whether or not to follow her. They were acutely aware of what would happen if he followed her. Morgan took a deep breath before stepping through the door.

Emily turned away from him as she led him to the stairwell. He caught up with her, and they ascended the stairs together. She tried to hide the shiver that coursed through her as she felt his fingers graze hers as they walked side by side in silence. The anticipation built steadily as they approached her floor, the air around them heavy with tension.

Morgan held the door to her landing open and his hand touching the small of her back as she walked through ahead of him, his breath caught as he felt her shiver. Their gazes held briefly, before both looked away as the intensity got too much for them. His hand stayed at the small of her back as they walked the short distance to her door, as she stumbled to unlock the door. It was still there when they entered the apartment and remained there while she shut the door behind them.

Emily breathed in deeply as she turned to face him, her back resting against the door as their eyes connected. This time she found herself unable to look away from the dark pools. They stood gazing at one another for a long moment before Morgan shook his head gently; rousing himself from the trance they found themselves in. He took a step towards her, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek, brushing her dark locks away as his fingers threaded through them, his thumb stroking the corner of her cheek bone.

"There's no going back after this," he whispered.

"I know," Emily replied as she pushed herself of the door as she leant into him. "There's a lot at stake," she reminded him gently.

Morgan nodded as his eyes dropped to her lips briefly, before looking raising his eyes to hers again. "Emily," he started. "Tell me you want this."

"I want this." Morgan tried to look for any sign of uncertainty in her eyes, but could find none. He felt her fingers touching his chest as she spoke again. "Morgan, do you want me?" Her fingers distracted him as they stroked the fabric above his heart as she waited for him to answer. In that moment, all doubts and second thoughts vanished. They both wanted this, needed it.

"Yes," the word tumbled from his mouth as her fingers tightened their hold on his shirt and she pulled him to her. Their lips met gently at first. Morgan pressed his lips to hers softly as she moaned. He braced her hips with his hands as she pushed herself of the door and further into him. It was Morgan's turn to moan when he felt her tongue run across his lips, seeking entrance. He opened willingly and the kiss deepened.

Their kiss became more frantic as their hands began to roam over their clothes. Emily's hands slipped between his jacket and his shirt as she pushed the jacket off of him, her nails scraping across his shoulders and down his back before grasping his shirt to pull it from his trousers. Her hands found their under the shirt, she stroked his back lightly.

Emily whimpered into his mouth as she felt Morgan's fingertips finding the hem of her shirt. She pulled her mouth away from his, panting as she did so. "Bedroom," she told him huskily as she spun them around and she led the way.

As soon as they entered her room, Morgan spun her around again, pulling her back to him as their lips connected again. He guided her as she walked backwards, his hands reaching for the bottom of her shirt again, this time pulling it up over her head. The back of Emily's legs hit the edge of the mattress and they tumbled onto the bed, their limbs tangling. Morgan pressed a kiss to her lips before he started trailing kisses down her neck. He felt intoxicated as all of his senses were focused on her, the way she moaned as he kissed her just below he ear, the way she tasted when he kissed her, the way she felt in his hands as he explored her exposed skin, the scent of her perfume when he grazed her collarbone. His pulse quickened as her hands grasped his shirt and pushed it up and over his head. As soon as it was off, he swooped down to kiss her again. Emily's back arched off the mattress when his hands grabbed her hips, and rolled them over so she was straddling him.

Morgan leant back on the mattress, his hand pushing her hair back from where it fell around her face; her hand came up grasp his wrist as his fingers cupped her cheek. They stared at one another for a long moment, giving each other one last chance to back away before they crossed that line. Morgan applied a gentle pressure to pull her down to him, kissing her deeply. Morgan's fingers stroked Emily's spine as he reached up to unclasp her bra, making her shiver in his arms.

They quickly shed the rest of their clothes as they started to explore each other. Morgan committed every sigh, whimper and moan that escaped her to memory as his hands and lips travelled across her skin. As they came together over and over again, and he swallowed her screams with his kisses as she came undone in his arms.

…..

Emily was assaulted by the light that filtered through the blinds covering the windows as her alarm resounded through her bedroom. She slapped the offending object to make the beeping stop. Emily took a moment for her mind to wake up, and realised there was a warm arm draped across her waist. She smiled to herself as she felt Morgan shift beside her as he began to wake up. She found it odd that she didn't feel uncomfortable like he had sometimes felt after spending the night with previous lovers. Emily hoped Morgan wouldn't be awkward.

Emily steeled herself before turning her head to look at him, her eyes connecting with his. Relief flowed through her as Morgan gave her a sleepy smile, the one he had shot her as they reached for each other twice more during the middle of the night. "Morning," his voice was rough with sleep.

"Morning," she replied, smiling shyly at him as she felt him stroking her hip lightly. Morgan leant in and kissed her deeply, making her moan. She unconsciously shifted closer to him just before he pulled away, groaning in disappointment. "What?" Emily asked.

"As much as I want to spend the morning right here," his smile turned seductive. "We have to meet the new trainee agents soon."

It was Emily's turn to groan as she remembered their early morning training session. She leant into kiss him one more time before rolling away from him and out of the bed. "Do you have your go bag in your car?"

"Yeah," he said pulling on his shirt and trousers from the previous night. Emily wrapped her robe around herself before going into the hall, searching for her front door keys.

"I'm going to shower while you do that," she said holding out her keys to him so he could let himself back in. Emily was pushing open the bathroom door when he spoke.

"Do you have any plans tonight?" She shook her head, before tilting it to the side, questioningly. "I was wondering if you want to have dinner, so we can talk," he said, there was a hint of nervousness creeping into his voice. "We don't exactly have time now," Morgan explained.

"Of course," Emily smiled warmly at him.

…

Later that morning Emily watched as Morgan told Valdez off for failing the course. She was worried rather than offended when he snapped in her direction as she tried to defend the trainee. He was giving feedback like a trainer should, albeit harshly. After dismissing the rest of them, he stormed off to get changed, and Emily retreated to the women's locker room to do the same. A little while later she saw him walking into the bullpen ahead of her as she stepped of the elevator, she could see by the way Morgan carried himself he was still a little tense.

"Morgan," Emily called as she increased her pace to catch up with him. He stopped and turned to face her and she reached him. "Is everything alright?" She asked gently.

"Yeah, why?" His brow furrowed as he waited for her to respond.

"You were a little hard on Valdez," she explained. "He's just a new agent trainee."

"Who made a fatal mistake," Morgan told her, the aggression that laced his voice earlier gone.

"He looks up to you. I'm just saying is maybe you could build his confidence not break it."

"Imagine how he would feel if that had been real." The look in his eye made her realise the situation had brought back memories of the warehouse for him, realising he had been drawing on their own experience when he had been telling Valdez off. Morgan started walking off into the bullpen, Emily trailing behind him as she tried to put her point across.

"Okay, yeah I understand that," her hand reached out to touch his arm, making him stop again. "But that course is designed to force failure, that's how we learn."

"Emily, my job is to train the trainees, not be there friend."

"Look," she took a quick breath. "I know you're doing the tough love thing," her voiced hitched a little. "But they don't know you like I do," she told him gently as their gazed at each other. Their moment was interrupted by Penelope striding towards them, her heels clicking on the floor as she walked between them on her way to the conference room.

"We got a heater. Going back to Cali, Crime fighters."

…..

It was early morning when they arrived back from California a few days later. Morgan drove Emily home and accompanied her up to her apartment, carrying her bag for her so she wouldn't have to struggle with it and the sling that held the arm that had been shot.

Emily went into the kitchen as he put the bag inside her bedroom. Once done he followed her into the kitchen, where he found her taking the painkillers the doctors prescribed.

When she was finished, they gazed at one another for a minute, the air around unusually awkward; the events of the last few days catching up with them. In the back of his mind, Morgan knew they needed to talk properly, he hoped he was strong enough to do it. Looking into her eyes, he had his doubts, which increased when Emily began to speak.

"Do you want to stay?" Emily saw his eyes widen, and she hastily tried to explain. "I mean to sleep, not for…" she trailed off as she felt the heat rise in her face.

Morgan looked away as he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat at her words. He wanted nothing more than to stay, but he knew he couldn't. Unable to find the right words, he was silent for a few minutes. He looked back at her, and he realised he had been quiet for too long as he saw the concern in her eyes.

"I'm going to go," he managed to get out, struggling to keep his eyes trained on her face. Morgan couldn't help but wince as her face fell when she realised what he was actually trying to say.

"You're walking away," she stated, looking away from him as she tried to control her emotions, hide the tears that she knew were going to start forming soon.

"I have to Emily," Morgan whispered. "Yesterday proved how much my feelings for you cloud my judgement in the field. You saw how I was the other morning and that was just a training session," he explained.

"So what? You just want to work together and ignore what happened the other night?" Emily couldn't help the anger that entered her voice. "You can do that?"

"Emily," Morgan said softly. "It's better this way," his voice broke slightly as he said those words, feeling like a coward. "It's better if we're partners, nothing more." He paused as that sank in. "We can't do this."

She sniffed back the tears as the turmoil of emotions swirled within her. Emily finally turned back to Morgan and saw that he was just as devastated as she was. Part of her wanted, needed him to comfort her, she wanted to comfort him. The other part of her wanted him to go, so she didn't start crying in front of him. She took a deep breath as she strived to control her voice. "I think you better go," she said quietly, turning away from him again.

Even though Emily couldn't see him Morgan nodded as he backed out of the kitchen. "I'm sorry," he said to her back. He turned around to walk to the front door, pausing in the hallway as he heard the first sob. Morgan closed his eyes, fighting the urge to return to the kitchen and wrap her up in his arms and never let go.

'_It's better this way,' _he thought to himself as he shut the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Losing what you can't have – chapter three

A few days later, Emily dragged herself over to the small kitchenette in the deserted bullpen, fumbling with her sling as she poured herself a coffee. She'd hardly slept, partly because of the pain in her shoulder when she rolled over in the middle of the night. But that pain didn't compare to the heartache that she had been dwelling on during the mandatory medical leave Hotch had put her on for the past two days. Emily had thought of little else while she had recuperated in her apartment. She understood why Morgan walked away, but she was angry with him for not giving them a chance, for not wanting to face his fears, work through them with her. She had thought their work out sessions had helped him overcome his misplaced guilt about what had happened to her.

She was too lost in her thoughts to realise until too late that coffee had overflowed from the cup and spilt onto the counter. Emily placed the pot back on its heater with a sigh while looking around for a cloth. Suddenly a hand appeared on the counter in front of her, cloth in hand, clearing the mess. Emily stiffened as she recognised the hand. Her eyes trailed along his arm, meeting his eyes slowly. She could see the pleading in them, the apology, the concern, longing. She tried to ignore it as they stood staring at each other silently for a moment, and Emily was grateful they were the first ones in, even beating Hotch. She could only imagine how much more awkward this could have been if there were other people to witness their exchange.

"Hi," she whispered, taking the cloth from him, both of them stilling their movements as their fingers brushed. Emily saw his Adams' apple bob as he swallowed nervously.

"Hey," Morgan replied quietly. "How are you?" He asked nodding slightly at the sling that still held her arm.

"It's painful," Emily told him, taking a small step away from him. Morgan nodded in understanding and the look in his eyes told her he realised she wasn't just talking about her arm. Looking at him closely she could see how tired he was, his slumped posture and she knew he was feeling the same as her. She felt a twinge of anger at him for making her feel sorry for him.

For what seemed like an eternity they stood in silence. Morgan turned and cast a glance around the bullpen before starting to speak, "Emily…"

"Hey Em, welcome back," JJ interrupted as she rounded the corner. Morgan and Emily took a step away from one another. Luckily, the blonde was rummaging in her bag as she wandered towards them. She plucked a folded piece of paper out her bag and held it out to Emily. "Here Henry made it for you."

Emily smiled as she accepted the get well card with Henry's drawing of a butterfly on the front as well as his childish scrawl of '_Get well soon Emi.'_ She looked up at JJ and smiled at her, feeling better than she had in the last few days. "Tell him thank you, I love it."

JJ smiled back at her and went to pour herself a cup of coffee. "Are you feeling better?" She asked.

Emily tried to ignore Morgan shifting from foot to foot beside her uncomfortably. "Uh, the swelling has gone down, but not as much as the doctors would like. It's why I'm still wearing the sling," she explained.

"Hopefully it will be off soon," JJ said. "Are you cleared for duty?" She asked, turning around.

"Fine to travel, but I'll have to stay at a desk for a while." JJ nodded in understanding, before her eyes widened as she remembered something. "Oh I spoke to Greg yesterday and he asked if you want to reschedule for next week because of your arm." She watched as Emily tried to hide her wince. Out the corner of her eye she saw Morgan shifted slightly away from Emily, leaning on the counter as he took a deep breath. There was silence among them, and JJ looked between the partners. Her brow furrowed a little as she sensed the tension and realised Morgan was unusually quiet. She didn't broach the matter, whatever it was it was between them. She hoped they could sort it out. JJ tried not to react to their behaviour. This was hardly the time or place to talk about it, so she acted as if she hadn't noticed anything. "You do still want to go, don't you?"

Emily expelled the breath she had been holding. "JJ," she started with a slight shake of her head, trying to ignore the thumping of her chest. The last thing she needed at the moment was a blind date. She had completely forgotten about it over the last few days. After spending the night with Morgan her intention had been to ring and cancel when they were away on the case but she hadn't found the opportunity. "I don't know, blind dates aren't my thing," Emily tried to explain.

"It's just a date," JJ said stepping in between the partners as she made her point. "If you don't like him, then don't see him again." Emily made eye contact with Morgan over JJ's shoulder. It annoyed her to see that neutral expression on his face; she wanted a sign from him to turn down JJ's offer. For a moment, she thought she saw a flash of disappointment, but then it was gone again.

Morgan watched as Emily struggled to make her decision and try to turn JJ down. He wanted nothing more than to speak out and tell Emily not to go, but he couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to her. At her continued indecisiveness, he decided to make it easier for her. "As much as I would love to stay and listen to girl talk, I need to finish my report," Morgan raised his hand to wave at them before hastily making his exit.

Both women turned to watch him go. Emily felt her anger flare as she watched him walk away again. Her attention was drawn back to JJ, as the other woman placed a hand on her wrist. "Is everything okay between you two?" JJ asked quietly, confusion and worry in eyes.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Emily rushed out. She could almost see JJ making her own conclusions in her head. Emily saw the doubt wash across the blonde's face, she was grateful when JJ didn't press the issue.

"So, about Greg," JJ started after a moment. "What's stopping you?" JJ suspected she knew the reason, and it was confirmed when Emily turned her head briefly to look in the direction Morgan had walked off in.

'_What is stopping me?' _ Emily thought to herself. Morgan hadn't made a move to stop her from saying yes, even when they had discussed it before they spent the night together. Nothing was actually stopping her. She needed a distraction from her anger and upset from the last few days, she'd had enough of feeling sorry for herself and Morgan. "You know what?" Emily said before she could rethink it. "I'll meet this guy, see if I like him."

JJ eyebrows rose in shock for a moment, before she regained her composure. "Really?" She questioned, hoping she hadn't made the wrong move by pushing her friend to go on a date, hoping it wouldn't drive a wedge between Emily and Morgan.

Emily nodded nervously. "Yeah, like you said, I don't have to see him again if I don't like him." She was trying to convince herself as much as JJ as she saw the doubt cloud the blonde's eyes again.

An hour later, Emily was sitting at her desk when she noticed Strauss scurrying into Hotch's office, scowl set in place. Hotch's phone had barely stopped ringing all morning and both the Section chief and Unit Chief looked harassed and worried. Having been kept out of the loop the past few days, she turned to Reid as he sat absorbed in his own paperwork.

"Hey Reid," he looked up from the file he was reading. "Do you know what's going on?" Emily asked him in a hushed tone as she nodded her head sideways, indicating Hotch's office.

Reid looked up at Hotch's office and gulped before nodding. "Uh, Senator Cramer wants to know all the details of the California case."

"Why?"

Rossi, who had been returning to his office from the break room, answered as he overheard their conversation. "Because a would-be-mayor orchestrated racially motivated crimes which ended in a confrontation with Federal Agents, one of whom was shot," he explained nodding to her sling.

"I hate politics," Emily muttered as she looked back at Hotch's office.

"At least they're here today," Spencer said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked glancing back at him.

"Yesterday Strauss, Hotch and Morgan were called to his office to deliver the reports to Cramer, and answer some of his questions," Spencer told her.

"Is everything okay?"

"Just scare tactics Kiddo," the older profiler told her with a reassuring smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Just letting us know he's keeping an eye on us."

…

Emily was still at her desk early evening, catching up on the paperwork that had piled up during her time off. Almost everyone else had left for the evening, Spencer rushing off to a lecture only a few moments before.

She had been worrying about the kind of pressure the Senator was putting on Hotch and Strauss. The fact that they had called Morgan in as well had increased her concern ten-fold. She knew Morgan hadn't left for the evening, because he hadn't wandered past the bullpen on his way out to say goodnight. Despite everything that was going on between them on a personal level, they were still partners; they looked out for each other. Emily got up and walked the path to his office, her heart rate increasing with every step. She peered in through the blinds as she passed the window, seeing him still in his chair working on his paperwork. Emily took a deep breath, trying to gain control of the thumping in her chest before softly knocking on the partially open door.

"Come in," Morgan called from inside without looking up.

Emily walked in and shut the door behind her, leaning her back on it. The sound of the click pulled Morgan's attention away from the file open in front of him, his eyes widening in surprise as he found Emily standing there.

"Hi," he said hesitantly. They stared at one another for a long moment before Emily gave him a small smile.

"Hey, how are you?" Emily asked. Morgan briefly looked down at the file in front of him.

"Drowning in paperwork," he said gesturing to the small pile on his desk. Morgan was put slightly at ease that she had started the conversation about work.

"I heard that you were hauled in by the Senator," Emily said as she took the seat across from him. "Is everything okay?"

Morgan nodded. "Yeah," he sighed. "He just wanted to get the facts."

"You made the right tactical decision Morgan," his face twitched as he glanced at her sling, but he tried not to react.

"Even he realised that. He's covering all angles." Their gazes locked again and he could see the anxiety in her eyes. "Don't worry, Emily. It'll be fine." Instantly Emily relaxed into the chair as they stared at each other. After a moment, it was Morgan's turn to worry. "Are you going out with that guy?"

Emily breathed in sharply as she heard him ask the question. Looking away she folded her good arm, over her sling, closing herself off from him. "Can we agree that you don't get to ask me that?" Morgan sat staring at her, his gaze penetrating through her. Morgan schooled his features; it wouldn't be fair to her to ask her not to go out with this guy.

"Emily, when we spent the night together I never intended for this to happen," he said after she didn't answer him, his tone neutral.

"I know, neither did I," she took a deep breath. "I understand why you put an end to it, but it's going to take a while."

Morgan nodded along with her words. He had barely been able to think of anything else. He hated that he'd made the decision to walk away from her, but there was no going back now. He was her friend and her partner and they needed to make this work.

"I think it would be better if we kept everything between us professional for a while," Morgan told her. "Just partners, nothing more." He saw Emily's eyes flash at his statement.

"I'm going to head home," she said rising from her chair, as she felt her eyes start to water. As she reached for the door, Emily whispered, "Just so you know, I am going to go out with him."

Morgan's eyes stayed on the door as he processed her words. His head flopped back on to his head rest, closing his eyes. He prayed they would be able to get past this, to get their rhythm back. Though deep down, he knew in his heart that they wouldn't.

Author Note – I was going to introduce Greg in this chapter, but I need more time so I decided to post the date separately. Let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

Losing What You Can't Have – chapter four

Emily sat in a quiet restaurant waiting for her blind date. JJ had originally described him as tall, brown hair and eyes, muscles and a great smile. Ever since the awkward conversation in the break room, the blonde had been casting Emily and Morgan worried looks. JJ hadn't broached the subject with Emily, and she doubted JJ would talk to Morgan about it. Things had been strained between herself and Morgan, but they had been professional as they had promised one another, keeping it away from the rest of the team.

Emily was anxious. She had been on the verge of cancelling all afternoon, but for some strange reason she hadn't. Penelope had been excitable about the whole thing, and even JJ had managed to smile along with their bubbly friend as she had gushed over Emily's date. Thankfully, Morgan had been out of the office for most of the day on a local consult with Rossi. Emily had been unable to bring herself to cancel, thinking of the explaining she would have to do to her friends come Monday morning.

She was tracing the petal of the flowers in the middle of the table with her finger when she heard the door open. An attractive man spoke with the waiter, who pointed in her direction. He thanked the waiter and started walking in her direction. As he approached the table he gave Emily a small, hesitant smile which she returned.

"Hi, I'm Greg," he offered his hand to her as she stood to greet him. He gave her sling less hand a firm shake.

"Emily," she told him as they both took their seats. It was awkward for a moment before they both gave a nervous laugh.

"I'm sorry, it's just I don't usually go on blind dates," Greg explained.

"Me neither," Emily replied. From his body language she could tell he was being honest and open. "So you're friends with Will?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, we work in the same precinct," Greg nodded. "You work with JJ at the Bureau?"

Emily nodded. "For nearly six years now," she smiled as she thought of her friends.

"You guys must be close," Greg commented.

"More like family," Emily told him as the waiter came and took their drink order.

"JJ mentioned your arm, how is it?" He asked nodding at her sling.

"It's getting better; I should be able to take the sling off soon." She felt herself starting to relax as they continued talking, conversation flowing easily between them. He made her laugh and surprised her by referencing some of her favourite books. JJ had been right, he was a nice guy. It made her forget for a short while about the emotional turmoil she'd been through over the week.

At the end of the evening, he signalled for the waiter and paid the bill. They left the restaurant, standing outside for a moment.

"Do you need a ride?" He asked. She hadn't been drinking due to the painkillers she was still on.

"Uh no, I'm going to get a cab," Emily told him. Greg nodded as he stood looking at her.

"So, tonight wasn't terrible was it?" He said smiling at her. Emily smiled back at him.

"No, I had a nice time." Emily paused. "Better than I thought I would have," she admitted. She was glad she hadn't cancelled.

"Me too," he said. "So, I uh, was wondering if I could see you again."

"I would like that," Emily found herself answering. She hadn't intended on liking him, but she did. She pulled her card out of her purse and gave it to him. "Give me a call," she told him as a cab pulled up to the curb. "Goodnight Greg," Emily said as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before getting into the cab.

He called her the next day.

Over the coming weeks, they continued to date. Emily liked him, he was sweet and caring. Unlike other guys she'd been out with he didn't get hung up on the fact that she was an FBI agent. As a cop, he understood the job and was accepting of it. He also knew that she didn't want to talk about it all day, and he gave her the space she needed. He allowed her to forget the horrors she saw every day at work. JJ and Garcia pressed her for details; both were disappointed when they weren't sordid ones. Despite the odd kiss, he wasn't pressing the physical side of their relationship. Emily was content with that.

Despite the fact Greg was attractive, Emily didn't feel the kind of spark that she did with Morgan. Even though things between herself and Morgan were less tense, Emily still found herself thinking about him in the middle of the night. They were nothing but professional, they worked, liked they always had, in sync. There was the odd look of longing which Morgan threw her way when their hands brushed, the look of concern after every confrontation with an Unsub, but that was it. People were starting to notice the lack of playfulness in their conversations, but no one confronted them about it. Hotch must have known something was going on because he had been pairing them with others in the field. There was ache in her heart that wished they had never spent the night together, but she wouldn't have changed it for anything.

….

About two months after they had started dating, Greg had accompanied her on a team night. Hotch had brought Beth, Penelope had brought Kevin, and JJ had brought Will. Morgan had tried to hide his shock when he found out that Greg was coming. He had tried to make excuses for why he couldn't go, but Penelope wouldn't listen to any of them, telling him if he wasn't there she would hunt him down and drag him to the bar kicking and screaming. After getting an unwilling acceptance from him, Penelope had returned to her office and Morgan had shared a long look with Emily.

She had done her best to try to forget her shiver as she had returned his look, but as Emily got ready that night she felt the nervousness growing in the pit of her stomach. Morgan had kept his side of the agreement, and hadn't asked her about dating Greg. Her doorbell rang, signalling Greg's arrival; he was driving because he was working the early shift the following morning at the precinct.

"Hi, you ready to be scrutinized by a group of profilers?" Emily asked as she opened the door for him.

Greg gave her a nervous look as he scratched the back of his head. "Scrutinized?" He replied. "I thought I was meeting your friends."

Emily smiled at him reassuringly. "They won't mean to, it's more out of habit," she explained. "We get protective. They're just looking out for me."

Greg smiled. "Okay, I can live with that."

They arrived at the bar a short while later. Emily introduced Greg to everyone, trying not to stiffen as Morgan reached past Penelope and her to shake Greg's hand. After that she barely spoke to Morgan, and she understood why. He was playing pool with Rossi and Reid as well as talking with Penelope and Kevin, apart from occasionally finding himself staring into Emily's eyes across the bar averting their eyes quickly, he was subtly avoiding Emily and Greg.

A couple of hours later, Morgan found himself at the bar ordering another drink when a hand landed on his shoulder. He spun and found himself looking at one the people he'd been trying to dodge. While he had succeeded in only saying a few words to them, earlier he had watched them out of the corner of his eye. Morgan knew Emily liked the guy, but he saw how uncomfortable she was when Greg got closer. Morgan had frowned slightly at the action until he caught her eyes, silently communicating. She was worried how Morgan would feel as he witnessed how intimate they were. Morgan threw her a small grateful smile, which she returned before turning her attention back to Beth who had said something to her.

"So Morgan," Greg started as he signalled for the bartender. "How long have you and Emily worked together?"

"About six years," Morgan said as he looked around casually, trying to find Emily. But she was nowhere to be found. "Uh, I was already on the team before she joined."

"You're all really close," Greg commented before ordering another drink for himself and Emily.

"You must know how it is, being with the force," Morgan replied, taking a sip of his drink. Greg nodded. Morgan watched him as his attention was caught by the bartender asking him something. Though he had never met any of Emily's previous romantic partners, she had mentioned some of them were jerks. He seemed like a nice guy. And Morgan couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that overcame him. He had thought it would get easier, but he still dreamt of her in the middle of the night, so vividly that when he woke he could taste her on his lips. He still wanted her, no matter how much he tried to ignore it.

"Yeah, I guess I'm waiting for one of you guys to threaten me if I hurt her," Greg laughed nervously. When Morgan didn't react, Greg glanced in his direction and saw the serious look on his face. "You're not, are you?" He tried to joke. Greg watched as Morgan's expression was clouded with something Greg didn't want to acknowledge.

"If Emily's happy, we're happy," Morgan explained with a shrug. Greg didn't ask him to expand on his answer and Morgan was grateful when the bartender interrupted them with the drinks.

Much to Morgan's happiness, JJ suddenly appeared between the men, trying to hide her nervousness. Greg didn't notice her anxiety, but she couldn't hide it from Morgan. He knew she must have picked up on something over the past few weeks, especially after the incident in the break room, but Morgan doubted she would have asked Emily about it.

"Hey guys, how's it going?"

"It's good," Greg said giving her a big smile.

"Yeah," Morgan said, shooting her a small frown in question while Greg's attention was focused on something happening in the opposite direction. JJ only gave him a reassuring smile. Morgan decided to let it slide because her being there meant there was someone other than Greg to talk to. Over Greg's shoulder, Morgan saw Emily walking out of the bathroom.

She faltered slightly as she saw Greg standing with Morgan. Even though she knew Morgan wouldn't say anything to Greg, Emily felt the dread start to spread through her stomach again. She made her way over to the two men and JJ. Once Emily reached them, she had managed to regain control the beat of her heart.

"Hi," Greg said, apparently oblivious. "I got you another drink." He passed her the glass.

"Thanks," she said taking a sip. An awkward silence fell over them. Out of the corner of her eye she could see JJ trying to think of something to say. Luckily the moment was broken by a triumphant yell from Spencer as he won a game against Rossi. They all turned to see the younger man pumping both his fists in the air.

"Hey Morgan," Rossi called as put his cue down. "You're up. Do me a favour? Don't let him win." Morgan smiled as he walked over to the pool table.

"Talk to you guys later," he called over his shoulder. Emily's eyes followed him for a moment before turning back to Greg. Her eyes must have lingered on Morgan for too long as she saw Greg looking at her questioningly.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

Emily nodded. "I'm just a bit tired. Do you want to make a move soon?"

"Sure, I've got to be at work early in the morning anyway."

After finishing their drinks, they said their goodbyes and Greg drove Emily home. He pulled the car to a stop outside of her apartment, turning the ignition off. Emily turned to him expectantly, hoping he didn't want to come in. She didn't think she would be able to cope with that after tonight.

"This is you," Greg said with a slight dip of his head towards her building. "Uh, your friends are nice."

"I'm glad you like them," she sensed there was more to it than that. "But?"

"Uh, you were right, they are protective." He paused and Emily winced. "And I was just wondering if I was stepping on anyone's toes here."

Emily gulped, wondering what to tell him. She was pretty sure who he was referring to, but she needed to be certain. "What are you talking about?" She really didn't want to be talking about this.

"Was there anything ever between you and Morgan?" He asked hesitantly. He wasn't angry, he just wanted to know. Emily had come to mean a lot to him, and if she wanted to be with someone else he would step aside if that would make her happy.

"We're just partners," Emily said quickly, trying to keep her voice from cracking. "Why do you ask?"

"Because out of all of your friends, he's the one who avoided us all night." Emily tried to hide the sigh that escaped her as she thought about the situation.

"We're just partners," she repeated quietly, a touch of sadness in her tone. She felt awful for lying to him.

Greg looked at her for a long moment, but seemed to accept her words. "Okay," he said finally. He leant in to kiss her on the cheek. "Good night Emily."

Emily slipped from the car, giving him a small smile. "Good night Greg," she said. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Greg nodded. "Okay, speak to you soon."

Author Note – I would love to know what you guys think. Don't kill me. Please.


	5. Chapter 5

Losing What You Can't Have – chapter five

Morgan leant down to tie the laces of his sneaker. He looked to the side as he heard the footsteps approaching him. He gave Penelope a big grin as she stopped beside him. "Good morning Baby Girl," he said.

"I'll show you a good morning Hot Stuff," she flashed him a predatory smile. Penelope looked around the track, her confusion apparent as she didn't find what she was looking for. Turning back to Morgan, she asked. "Where's Em?"

"Huh?" It was Morgan's turn to be confused. "Why are you asking about Emily?"

"I thought you two usually get together to train on Sunday mornings. Not that I'm ungrateful for you helping me with my work outs, but I thought she would be here too." Penelope looked around again for the brunette.

Morgan looked away again. "Uh, we stopped that a few weeks ago," he admitted. "Why don't we start by stretching and doing a warm up? Before doing a couple of laps?"

Penelope looked at him for a moment, studying him, knowing something was wrong with him. "Okay, you're the trainer," she agreed, concern lacing her tone, but she let his abrupt change of subject pass.

They were just starting their laps when Penelope thought back over the past few months. He had been unusually quiet. Morgan had been outwardly fine, but he been a touch more professional. Despite having the least interaction with the rest of the team, even Penelope had picked up on the atmosphere between him and Emily. They were all business, no playful teasing or spending time together outside of work. Obviously something had triggered this, and Penelope was dying to know what.

It was a couple of weeks after their night out when they had met Greg for the first time, and Morgan was trying to figure out his own head. He'd kept glancing at the bar door for a long time after they had left, hoping Emily would come back.

"So, Greg seems like a good guy," Penelope's voice cut through his thoughts.

Morgan gave a non-committal shrug. "He seems nice," Morgan replied.

They jogged a few more paces. "Is that the problem?" Morgan came to a halt, Penelope stopped herself when she realised that he wasn't next to her. She looked back at him.

"What are you talking about?" Morgan tried to act confused.

"You think we didn't realise something's going on with you and Emily? It's been strange between you two for a few weeks now."

Morgan shook his head lightly before starting the jog again. "Leave it alone Penelope," he mumbled as he passed her, slow enough for her to catch up.

"I'm sorry, but I don't like it when my crime fighters don't get along. I just want everyone to be happy," she explained.

"I don't want to talk about it," Morgan sighed as he didn't try to deny that there was anything wrong.

"But something happened," Penelope wondered what could have happened to make them drift this far apart. Morgan threw her a sideways look, silently communicating his irritation with the conversation. She held up her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll leave it if you answer me one question." She raised her eyebrow, waiting for his response. After a moment, he nodded his agreement. "Don't you miss her?"

"Huh?" Morgan asked his confusion evident.

"I know you and I make it easier for one another to deal with the heinous acts that the sick and twisted we hunt do by distracting each other by playing, but Em is your go to girl when you need to sound off to someone, when you need to someone to calm you down, when you need someone to talk to," she told him gently. "Don't you miss it? Because I'm telling you, the rest of the team sure as hell do." He shot her a look. "You've been very grumpy, and I'm not going to let you get away with it anymore."

Morgan was silent as they continued to jog, thinking over what Penelope had to say. He did miss Emily, missed talking to her, laughing with her, relaxing with her. More than anything he missed being her friend. He had no idea how to fix the situation. "I was an idiot," he admitted. "I don't think she'll listen to anything I have to say."

"Really?" Penelope sounded doubtful. "I don't think Emily would shut you off without giving you a chance. It's obvious that she's as miserable about whatever it is as you are."

"I'm sorry I've been grumpy," Morgan said. "I knew people were starting to notice, but I didn't realise that it was starting to affect you guys."

"Uh, I may have been hanging out with profilers for too long, but to anyone outside of our closely knit group nothing is different," Penelope gave him a small reassuring smile over the rim of her glasses. "I can't believe that you could have done something so awful that she'll never forgive you."

"I was an ass, Baby Girl. I over reacted to her being shot, and in doing so made one of the worst decisions I ever made," Morgan explained.

"And has that decision affected the way you would feel if she gets hurt again?" He could hear the disbelief in her voice.

It didn't, Morgan thought to himself. Staying away from Emily hadn't changed how he felt, in fact it intensified it.

"No," he admitted.

"Then get over it," Penelope told him forcefully. "As much as I hate the idea of you guys getting hurt, there is always going to be that risk." She paused. "Morgan you need to fix this," her tone gentler.

She was right; Morgan just had to figure out how. He would do anything it took to make it up to Emily. "I know Baby Girl, and I will," he replied. "What do you say we give this a break today? And go see a movie or something?"

"Ugh, I would love that," she cried out as she practically dragged him of the track. "Oh, and we need to plan the next team night out."

…

Later that evening, Emily heard a knock on her front door. Looking up from the book she had been reading, she couldn't remember inviting anyone over. Instantly on edge due to the unexpected visitor, Emily immediately reached for her spare gun, tucking it in the waistband of her trousers at the small of her back. Hand on gun, she looked through her peephole, and frowned slightly in confusion at the sight before her.

"JJ?" Emily said as she opened the door to her friend. "What are you doing here?"

JJ held up the bottle of wine in her hand. "Well, Henry is at a sleep over and Will is on the night shift. I was thinking maybe an impromptu ladies night."

Emily raised an eyebrow, before moving aside so the blonde could enter the apartment. "Sure, I'll get some glasses. You take a seat in the living room."

Question running through her head, Emily went into the kitchen to grab a couple of wine glasses from the cupboard, stashing her gun in the drawer. Despite JJ's outwardly confident manor, Emily had seen the nerves and worry in JJ's eyes as she opened the door. Wondering what had upset her friend, she returned to the living room, where she found JJ sitting on the edge of the sofa. Emily took the bottle of wine from where it sat on the coffee table and poured them each a glass. As she sat back on the sofa, JJ copied her.

"So how's your day off been?" Emily asked casually. JJ immediately smiled.

"I went to the park with Henry and Will this morning, then when we came home Will took a nap before tonight's shift and Henry and I played before he went to his friend's this evening."

"Is Will getting used to you travelling again?"

"Yeah," JJ nodded a little hesitantly, knowing Emily was gearing up to ask why she was really there. _'Why am I here?' _She asked herself. _'Because you want to make sure your friends are okay,' _came the reply from the back of her mind. After witnessing the awkward exchange between Emily and Morgan over two months ago, they atmosphere between them had deteriorated. Everyone had let it go, it was between them but it had gone on for too long now. And it was only a matter of time before Hotch said something to one of them. He'd been keeping a close eye on them for a while, separating them a lot more to ease the tension. Everyone else saw it, JJ knew Morgan and Emily must have realised it as well.

For a long minute, they were silent. It got to Emily first. "Is everything okay JJ?" She asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." JJ watched as the confusion flicker in Emily's eyes, before it was hidden within her usual deep gaze.

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm not asking what happened with Morgan, that's between you two. But it's starting to hurt watching you avoid one another." Emily couldn't mask her wince.

"JJ," she started. "I'm sorry that you've been affected by this. But there is nothing for you to worry about, it's for me and Morgan to deal with."

"But you're not and it's starting to affect the team. Even Spence is starting to notice," JJ told her.

Emily leant back against the sofa, her eyes looking to the ceiling as she tried to collect her thoughts. "We spent the night together," she confessed quietly, her gaze turned upwards, refusing to look at her friend.

"Emily," JJ whispered her voice full of sympathy. "You don't have to tell me."

Emily rolled her head to the side to finally look at her friend. "I know, but I need to talk to someone."

JJ nodded, after all her in coming here tonight she had unconsciously volunteered herself as a sounding board. "How long ago did it start?" She found herself asking.

"It was just one night," Emily explained. "Before we went to California for the home invasion case, we'd gone out with Pen, Kevin and Spence, afterwards Morgan walked me home. And I asked him to come in. The next morning we agreed we were going to talk and sort it all out," Emily paused. "But he got scared over his reaction to me getting shot." She saw JJ's eyes soften with sympathy. "Morgan said we should just be partners." Emily looked back at the ceiling as she felt her eyes watering.

"I hate men's logic," JJ muttered. "How is being just partners going to change how he feels? I'm mean those feelings were already there." Emily's head snapped to look at her, slightly shocked at the words tumbling from JJ's mouth.

"What do you mean?"

"Um," JJ started, suddenly self-conscious about her outburst. "Well, it's not changed anything, has it?" Emily shook her head. "So that's why he's been avoiding Greg?"

Emily shut her eyes at the mention of the other man. They'd gone out a few times since he'd asked about her relationship with Morgan, but due to their work schedules they'd barely seen each other. "I promise you nothing has happened while I've been with Greg," Emily reassured her friend. "It's just sometimes when he looks at me I'm taken back to that night. But then I realise he had the chance to ask me not to go out with Greg and he said nothing." Emily let out a groan as she thought about the situation and the whirlwind of emotions going through her. "I just wish things could be the way they were before."

"Both of you wanting to be more than partners?" JJ asked. "I mean there must be something between you if you spent the night together," she said to Emily's look of shock.

Emily blushed slightly as she thought of that night. "I'll admit that there is an attraction," she said sheepishly.

JJ laughed out loud. "That's an understatement." Emily allowed a small chuckle to escape, before leaning forward to take a sip of her wine. It felt good to talk to someone.

"More than anything though, I miss being his friend." JJ nodded in understanding. "Besides, there's Greg to think about." JJ felt a little guilty at the mention of Will's friend. "I like Greg; he's easy and fun to be with. He doesn't have the same hang ups that some of the men I've dated had. I like spending time with him."

"But you're holding back from him," JJ said, referring to fact that Emily and Greg hadn't physically consummated their relationship yet.

Emily nodded. "I know it's not fair on him, and thankfully he doesn't push it," Emily took a deep breath.

"You need figure out what you want."

"I know," Emily sighed. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being a friend, for being here to listen."

"That's what friends are for," JJ said taking a sip of her wine.

Author Note – I've almost caught up to chapter one. I find it quite hard to write JJ. Let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

Losing What You Can't Have – chapter six

Morgan looked up at the sound of the knock on his office door. His eyes widened slightly when he saw Hotch standing there, briefcase in hand.

"Hey Hotch, you heading out?"

"In a minute," the Unit Chief said glancing at his watch. "I just wanted to talk to you about something."

"Of course," Morgan's brow furrowed as he put his pen down and he clasped his hands together loosely over the file in front of him. Hotch closed the door behind him and took the chair in front of his desk, clearing his throat. Morgan controlled his reaction; Hotch only did that when he was uncomfortable.

The two men sat staring at one another for a long moment, before Hotch started to speak. "I wanted to talk to you about Prentiss." Morgan drew in a breath as soon as he heard her name. "Unofficially," Hotch added.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"The atmosphere between the two of you is beginning to affect the team," Hotch said, maintaining eye contact with Morgan. "Officially I don't need to know anything, as long as it can be resolved privately," his voice was level, but not without compassion.

"Hotch we have been nothing but professional," Morgan said irritably. Though they hadn't talked yet, like he'd promised Penelope, the past few days there had been a slight thawing between them.

"Too professional," Hotch let that sink in before continuing. "As much as I would like fewer distractions, you both need that to help you deal with the things we see. It makes you both who you are, and cements you as a great team," he added gently. "The rest of the team have been over compensating, they've felt the need to spend a lot more time together outside of work."

Morgan looked down at the desk briefly. "What do you want me to say Hotch? I made a bad decision and I don't know how to fix it." He'd promised Penelope he would, but he'd had no clue how to approach Emily after so long. He hated that they had drifted so far apart.

Hotch looked at him in sympathy. "Like I said before, I don't know what's going on." Morgan nodded, understanding that Hotch did actually realise what was going on. "But I think the best place to start is to be honest about how you feel and what you want." A look of approval briefly shone in his eye, before Hotch glanced at his watch. "I need to go pick Jack up from his friend's house. I'll see you tomorrow."

Without waiting for Morgan to reply, Hotch stood and made his way to the door. Hotch reached for the handle before Morgan called out to him. "Hotch," the older man turned back to him, his eyebrow raised. "Thanks." A small smile cracked on Hotch's face.

"I hope it helps," he said as he left the office, closing the door behind him.

Morgan slumped back in his chair. He knew what he wanted, known all along, known since before they spent the night together. That night had confirmed that, he'd never felt so in sync with any of the other women he'd been with. When the shots had echoed through the training centre, he'd felt his heart beat race as he compared it to a real situation. The possibility of Emily being hurt had haunted him throughout the case, examining the deceased families homes had brought back memories from the warehouse. Coming down the stairs after shooting the Unsub and seeing the blood spreading through the fabric of Emily's torn sleeve, he'd felt the air leave his body. Morgan had stood guard as he watched the paramedics work on Emily before loading her into the ambulance. Their talk on the plane had done little to ease his anguish.

He'd had to take a step back and get his own feelings under control. In doing so, Morgan had realised that his feelings wouldn't change. He didn't want to keep waking up in the middle of night, his dreams feeling so real that he still tasted Emily on his lips, or that he could hear her moans. He was haunted by the fact that he wanted them to be real. Most of all he wanted Emily to be happy.

But she was with Greg. Morgan had to admit that he was a good guy, the type of guy he could see Emily settling down with. If that was what Emily wanted, if Greg made her happy, Morgan knew he would step away and settle for being her friend. If she could forgive him for the things he said, forgive him for walking away.

….

Emily slammed the window of her car, resting her forehead on the roof. She couldn't believe she'd been that stupid. She averted her gaze downwards, looking through the window again. There were the keys to her car, dangling in the ignition. She'd been running late this morning, and must have left them when she had run to the bullpen.

Emily winced as she heard footsteps coming towards her. She knew that walk. She groaned quietly as she heard the footsteps stop by the back of her car.

"You okay there Prentiss?"

Emily turned her head to the side, her eyes travelling up his body slowly, finally reaching his face. She saw the laughter in his eyes as he looked through the back window of her car, seeing her keys in the ignition.

"You got a spare key?" He asked, chuckling slightly.

"Oh, like this has never happened to you before," Emily told Morgan. Morgan shook his head as he came to stand beside her. Emily straightened up and they looked through the window together. After a moment, Emily admitted, "My spare key is at home."

Morgan laughed again, and she half-heartedly elbowed him in the ribs. When she caught his eyes, she started laughing herself. "Come on," he said walking towards his car. "I'll give you a lift home, and I'll bring you back tomorrow with your spare key." Emily looked doubtfully at her car. Morgan stopped and turned back to her. "Where's it gonna go? This is the FBI's car park." He laughed again quietly.

"Okay Buddy, you can stop laughing now," Emily told as she followed him to his car, laughing at herself.

Their laughter had died down by the time they were buckling their seat belts. For the first time in weeks there was a comfortable silence as Morgan drove out of the parking lot. Occasionally he glanced over at her and was happy that he saw her smiling. He pulled to a stop at a red light.

"I miss this," he said quietly, keeping his eyes on the road. He saw out of the corner of his eye Emily turn to look at him.

"What?" He could hear the smile in her voice. "Making fun of me?" She laughed quietly.

"Hearing you laugh," Morgan told her as he turned to look at her. Immediately Emily turned serious, her eyes softening. "I miss being your friend."

"Me too," she said. "Can we just put all of this behind us?" They stared at each other for a long moment before a car horn blared behind them. Emily looked up at the stop light and saw it was green. She pointed upwards. "You need to go," she gave him an embarrassed smile.

"Right," Morgan threw the car into gear and started to drive off. "I want nothing more than to put the last few weeks behind us. I'm sorry I was a jerk," he told her.

Emily nodded her acceptance of his apology. "I guess I didn't understand how badly you were affected by seeing me after being attacked by Doyle."

"I thought I was dealing with it," Morgan admitted.

For a few minutes they were quiet as Morgan navigated the streets towards her apartment. "I just want you to know that I don't regret that night," Emily said as they pulled up outside her building.

"I never regretted it Emily," he said as he pulled the keys from the ignition. He took in a shaky breath. "It was an amazing night." Morgan felt the heat rise in his face as he thought of that night. He glanced at Emily and saw the pink hue adorning her cheeks; obviously she was having the same thoughts that he was.

"It was," Emily admitted with a nod of her head as she cleared her throat. "So, can we put it down to two friends who spent an incredible night together because it was something they both needed? And go back to being friends?" Their eyes met, and they made a silent agreement. That night would always be special to them, and neither would forget it.

"Yeah, incredible," Morgan mumbled making Emily blush again as she ducked her head down.

After a few more moments Emily smiled at him, before unbuckling her seatbelt. "I'll see you in the morning Morgan," she said as she got out of the car.

She was turning towards her building when Morgan called out to her. "Hey Emily, are you going to the team night tomorrow?"

Emily turned back to the car, leaning against the door, looking through the open window. "Yeah, it sounds like fun. Greg is working, but he wasn't invited anyway. Garcia ordered just BAU agents this time."

Morgan sobered at the mention of the other man. "He seems like a nice guy," his approval, tinged with regret, coming through in his voice.

Emily gave him a sad smile. "He is," her regret sounded in voice. "Good night Morgan," she whispered as she walked backwards towards her building.

Author Note – next chapter I will have caught up with the events of chapter one. Let me know what you think, please don't kill me though.


	7. Chapter 7

Author Note – I just want to say that there was a problem updating the last chapter, apparently lots of people were having the same issue with the repairs that were going on with the site. Hope people are still reading and weren't too frustrated or confused by it. There are probably only one or two chapters left, let me know what you think.

Losing What You Can't Have – chapter seven

The knock at her door startled Emily as she finished putting her arms through her shirt. She quickly did the buttons up as she left her bedroom to answer the door. She opened it to Morgan, who in Emily's opinion seemed way too happy for this time on Saturday morning.

"Good morning," he gave her his patented smile while extending his hand, holding out the card board tray, with the two coffee cups, to her. "Decaf is on the left." Emily rolled her eyes at him as she plucked her cup out of the tray. "I figured I should bring a peace offering for turning up this early."

Emily just nodded at him as she swallowed her first sip. "Why are you up at this time on a Saturday?"

"Because I wanted to get some work done on the house I bought, and I thought I would drop you off first so I don't have to stop later," he told her as she moved backwards to enter her apartment.

"Okay, let me get my bag." He'd rung her late the previous night and told her he would be picking her up early. Emily was relieved that they were talking again. After Morgan had dropped off the previous evening, it had felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She was resolved in putting the last few weeks behind them.

Emily had spent a long time the previous night on the phone to Greg. Since her talk with JJ, she had decided to try to make it work with him. And when she had said goodnight to Morgan she could hear the approval in his voice as he spoke of Greg, it made her feel good about the relationship. Before she could move forward with him, she had to get past the mess with Morgan, which she was on her way to doing. While the past week had been easier between them, Emily would not reveal the details of her relationship with Morgan. Emily doubted she would ever be ready to discuss that with Morgan, she couldn't imagine he would ever want to listen either. Nor would she tell Greg about the night she spent with Morgan.

Emily grabbed her bag from the end of her bed. As she closed the bedroom door behind her, she found Morgan standing awkwardly in her hallway. He turned to look at her, and she saw him try to cover his anxiety with a small smile. They stared into one another's eyes for a long moment, before they both averted their gazes, embarrassed at the thoughts going through their heads.

"You ready to go?" Morgan eventually asked, his eye brow rose hopefully.

"Yeah," Emily double checked her bag for her spare key as she followed him out and locked the door behind them. "So, how long have you been working on the house?" They had a lot of catching up to do. Penelope had mentioned that he hadn't been working on any houses since before her time in Europe.

"I've not started yet. I only bought it a few weeks ago," Morgan replied as they walked down the stairs. "I'm going to start stripping out some of the rubbish." They reached the bottom of the stairs. "Do you have any plans today?"

Emily shook her head as Morgan held the door open, letting her walk through ahead of him. "No, just getting my car and some housework before meeting up with the rest of the team tonight."

"So you don't want to come and help me?" Morgan asked as he unlocked the car. He looked over his shoulder expectantly as he went round to the drivers' side.

Emily thought for a moment. She could hear the hope in Morgan's voice, and she tried to control her own. Their reconciliation was still fairly new, and Emily was cautious about jumping back into that, Hotch's voice echoing in her head, _"You rushed to repair your friendship with Morgan."_

Morgan sensed her hesitation and hid his reaction, he could hardly blame her. "It's okay if you don't," Morgan told her giving her an easy out.

Emily let out the breath she'd been holding. "It's not that I don't want to, but…"

"But you don't want to rush," he finished for her. Emily nodded, relieved that he understood.

"I want to put this all behind us, but I'm scared we're doing it too quickly," she admitted as she buckled her seatbelt.

Morgan took a deep breath as he sorted out his own belt. "Emily, we can go as quick or slow as you want. I'll be happy with whatever pace you want to set." He paused as she smiled gratefully. Morgan thought briefly to the seven months when he thought she would never be in his life again. He needed her in his life. The last three months had been his fault, and he would do anything to make things right.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Morgan turned the key in the ignition, and the car roared to life as Morgan began to drive, the only noise in the car being the radio. All too soon they were pulling into the FBI car park. On Saturday mornings the lot had fewer cars, so Morgan was able to park in the spot next to hers.

Emily got out and quickly opened her car, pulling the keys out of the ignition, checking that everything was still where it was supposed to be. Afterwards she poked her head out and looked at Morgan over the top of the car. "Thank you for bringing me in today, I appreciate it."

"Anytime Princess," Morgan smiled. Emily felt a pang in her heart as he used the nickname that only he dared use, she wouldn't let anyone else get away with it. She threw her bag into the passenger seat. "Are you sure you don't want to come to the house with me?" He tried again.

As much as she wanted to take him up on his offer, she shook her head, her sadness shining in her eyes. "I probably shouldn't," Emily told him quietly, she saw the hope leave his eyes. She had no idea why she was speaking quietly, the car park was deserted.

"Okay," he replied, just as quietly. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah," she nodded. As he turned to get back into his car, she had the urge not to let him leave disheartened. "Morgan," Emily called. He looked back over her shoulder "We'll be back to normal soon; it's just going to take some time."

"I know," Morgan reassured her. Emily watched as he got into the car and backed out of the spot. A few minutes later she was doing the same, cursing herself for making things awkward between them.

After going home and doing the little tidying she needed to do and the washing, she was done by half twelve due to the early start. As she sat on her sofa, she idly flipped through the channels, this morning's conversation playing through her mind when her stomach rumbled. They were friends, and she wanted to fix that friendship. Emily made a quick phone call to the technical goddess, who gave her the information she needed as well as a barrage of questions asking why Emily needed it. Emily just told her she was trying to sort things out. Emily quirked an eyebrow as she heard the relief in Penelope's voice.

A short while later she juggled the pizza box and the drinks tray in one hand as she knocked with the other. Emily looked over the front of the house as she waited for Morgan to answer. It was a bit untidy, and the grass needed cutting. But she couldn't see any major damage. The faint music she heard playing stopped and Emily heard footsteps approaching from the inside.

Morgan was surprised to see Emily standing there as he opened the door. "Hey what are you doing here?" He asked with a smile.

"I hungry and I thought you might be too," Emily nodded to the pizza box. "Don't worry, its' pepperoni," she reassured her.

"As long as its' not ham and pineapple, then we're good," Morgan laughed as he moved aside to let her in. She had changed into some old clothes and tied her hair back. He was still mulling over the fact that she had decided to take him up on his offer, but he wasn't complaining about it. Emily looked at him expectantly as she waited in the hallway, and Morgan led her through the living room and adjoining dining room towards the porch door at the back of the house. "Sorry, I haven't got any chairs here, but we can eat on the porch steps in the garden."

They settled on the top step, leaning on the support beams opposite one another, turned so they were facing one another, the pizza box open between them.

"It's a beautiful house, I'm sure it will be great when you're finished," Emily said as she snagged her first slice.

"Most of the work is cosmetic. I want to sort out the fireplaces though and the kitchen and bathrooms, a few bits of rewiring. I can do that myself."

Emily was struck by how happy he seemed at the prospect. She knew it gave him a sense of balance from the horror of their work. "You really like the restoration process, don't you?"

"Yeah, it a good form of stress relief," he told her. Emily scrunched up her nose at the thought.

"I don't see how hammering down walls can help you work through your frustrations."

"It's like when you go to shooting range." Emily nodded as she got the analogy. Unwilling to admit who she saw instead the blank target, she couldn't deny that she was more zealous the mornings after a nightmare. As she locked gazes with him they shared a knowing look. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Next time I have a wall to knock down I'll give you a call."

"Okay, I'll have to take you up on that offer."

"Good," he said as he grabbed a second slice. "But it's not just the physical work that helps relieve the frustration. Seeing a project through the restoration process from start to finish is very satisfying."

"I can think of other stress relievers that are very satisfying that work just fine," Emily said with a wink, unable to stop herself. As soon as the words were out her eyes shot up to his. The smirk on his face made her go red. "I don't know why I said that," Emily said as she tried to hide her embarrassment. _'With everything that's going on with us, I have to go and say something like that,' _she thought to herself.

"It's okay," Morgan told her, his tone gentle. "We're both adults, and I'm sure we've both felt the need for that kind of stress relief." They stared silently at one another for a long moment, before the intensity of his gaze got too much for Emily and she turned her head to look at the garden.

Briefly Emily thought of Greg, and felt awful she was having these thoughts when she had promised herself to make a go of things with him. He didn't deserve this. When she had the idea to come and have lunch with Morgan, Emily had wanted to make up for turning down his invitation earlier this morning.

"So, things are going well with Greg then," Morgan said, trying to keep his tone neutral. Her head swivelled to look at him.

"Yeah, they are," Emily told him. Immediately Morgan picked up on her hesitance, but he watched as she shifted uncomfortably. The look in her eyes told him she was unwilling to share anymore about the relationship, and Morgan let it drop because he didn't want to think of her in the arms of another man. But the sight stuck in his head, and he could feel that something wasn't right.

They finished the pizza in silence, and Morgan threw the trash away. "Thanks for lunch Prentiss," he told her. "What are you doing?" She had put on his spare working gloves and started clearing where he'd finished before lunch.

"You invited me to help," she told him with a small smile, all hesitancy from a few minutes ago gone.

"Alright then," he passed her the broom from the corner and he took over from her. They continued to work through the afternoon, joking and laughing with one another, occasionally they would sing along with the radio that was on in the kitchen. By the end of the afternoon they had cleared the old wallpaper from the living room and dining room. Morgan stood back to inspect the walls, there were a few patches that would need plastering. He felt Emily come to stand beside him.

"It looks okay," she told him.

"Yeah," Morgan said, pleased. The alarm on his phone went off. "Time's up," he told her as he switched it off.

"Huh?"

"I set myself an alarm, so I knew when I had to go get ready for tonight. I sometimes get caught up when I'm working," he explained. "I didn't want Penelope yelling at me for being late."

Emily smiled. "She loves you too much to yell at you," she told him with a laugh. He laughed himself and turned to look at her. Her ponytail had become loose and a few strands were hanging down, and there was dust and a tiny stray piece of wall paper stuck to her cheek.

"Hey," he said as he reached out to brush the paper away. His thumb caressed her cheek and he heard her sharp intake of breath. His eyes drifted between her eyes and her lips. They both shifted closer, leaning in slightly. Morgan could feel her breath on his lips before beeping of her phone broke the spell between them. They sprung apart from one another, and Emily reached for the phone in her pocket.

Her eyes bulged as she saw who the caller was. As she pressed answer she strode into the hallway, trying to control the rapid beating of her heart. "Hi Greg," she breathed into the phone.

Morgan winced as he heard the other man's name. His eyes closed briefly and he scratched the back of his head. He'd been very close to breaking the promise he'd made to himself. He couldn't help but listen to her side of the conversation. To anyone who didn't know her, they wouldn't be able to identify the slight tense tone as she spoke to Greg. Morgan silently cursed himself; he didn't want to ruin this for her.

A few minutes later, Emily returned to the room. The guilty look in her eyes hit Morgan in the heart. "Emily…" he started. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. We can't…" Her eyes darkened slightly as he said that, and he instantly regretted it.

"I need to go get ready," Emily said hastily. Greg had been surprised to find out she had spent the afternoon with Morgan, but he was too excited by the news he had to share to question it. His brother had a house near the beach, and Greg wanted her to go with him the next weekend they were both off of rotation. She had felt like she was ready to explode inside as he said that, knowing he may expect their relationship to go to the next level. She had asked for time to think about it, and she had winced when she heard Greg pause before agreeing.

"Emily," Morgan said as he reached out a hand to her. Emily found herself unable to step away. "I didn't intend to get in the way of you two," he told her sincerely.

"I know, and you haven't." She wasn't sure who she was trying to convince, Morgan or herself. "I'll see you in a couple of hours." Without waiting for a reply Emily pulled her arm out of his grasp and she let herself out. She needed time to think.

….

By the time Emily arrived at the bar she had come to the decision to make things work with Greg. Despite the attraction and affection she felt for Morgan, they worked on the same team and both of them were dedicated to that team. Some people would have thought she was settling, but she couldn't explore whatever it was between herself and Morgan. Penelope had let slip that Senator Cramer had implied splitting the team if he found any breaks in regulations. Neither she nor Morgan would risk that. They could and would be just friends.

She saw the rest of her team, minus Hotch, standing at the bar, Morgan laughing at something Rossi had said.

"Emily!" She heard Penelope call her name and she plastered a smile on her face as she walked over to the bar. Emily saw Morgan say something to the bartender, and he was passing her drink to her as she arrived at the bar. She smiled gratefully at him, taking a sip before Penelope slung an arm around her, pulling her into a sideways embrace. Obviously the blonde had a head start on the rest of them. "How was your afternoon?" Penelope asked her loudly.

"It was good," she snuck a sideways glance at Morgan, who was speaking with JJ. "I helped Morgan at his new house."

Penelope eyes twinkled at the knowledge. "Did you sort things out?" Her voice was low, almost a whisper. "You're friends again?"

"Yeah, we sorted things out," Emily reassured her.

"Good, I don't like it when my babies don't get along." Emily smiled at her friend, Penelope's outlook on life, her never ending search for the good in everything, never failed to make Emily feel better.

"Where's Hotch?" Emily asked as she looked around for the Unit Chief.

"He couldn't make it, Jessica had to go out of town this morning for a work emergency," Penelope grumbled.

The rest of the evening flowed easily, everyone joking around and having a nice night out. Even the tension between herself and Morgan was gone, and they had teamed up to beat Rossi and Reid at pool. Everyone had been drinking and Penelope was on her way to a hangover in the morning. She was trying not to laugh at a tipsy Reid, who was reciting statistics and remedies for hangovers when her phone started beeping.

Glancing at the screen, she excused herself and went outside so she could hear better when she spoke to Greg. "Hi Greg," Emily said into the phone.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt your night," Emily could hear the smile in his voice.

"It's okay."

"Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah, Pen and Reid are quite drunk. I don't know how he can still remember statistics like that when he's in this state," she told him. They made small talk for a few more minutes. "Um, about that weekend," Emily took a deep breath. "I think I'm free the weekend after next." She was sure if it was the alcohol that gave the confidence to take the plunge, but she had made her decision.

"That's great," Greg sounded so happy through the phone and Emily was certain she had made the right decision. "I'm off then too. It'll be a great weekend."

"Yeah," Emily said quietly, smiling. She heard someone say something to Greg in the background.

"I' m sorry Emily, I have to go," he told her.

"Okay I'll speak to you tomorrow." She hung up the phone as she stood outside the bar, her back to the smoker's side door. She heard the door open, the music and the sounds of people laughing and generally having a good night filled her ears as one of the patrons stepped outside into the otherwise deserted smoker's area. Emily slid her phone into the pocket of her jeans as she turned to return to her friends. She found herself walking into someone's chest, and a pair of muscled arms wrapped around her, arms that she would know anywhere. Emily tilted her head and met the deep brown eyes of her partner. The intensity she saw there made her pulse quicken and she held her breath as she felt his hands grasping her hips to steady her. Once he righted her, instead of relinquishing his hold on her, Morgan held her in place.

"Hi," Emily said quietly.

…

Morgan returned to the bar and he found Emily sitting away from him, her posture stiff as she finished her drink. All night he'd watched her with their friends and he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of her. He regretted losing control outside, but he'd been honest with her and himself for the first time in weeks.

Since Emily had left him that afternoon, he'd done a lot of thinking. Her reluctance to discuss Greg had stuck in his mind. He had intended to apologise again for this afternoon, but he wanted to know if the other man made her happy before he completely stepped aside. But her continued avoidance of his questions had spurred him into doing something that caused another rift between them.

Morgan heard the scraping of a chair, and saw Emily standing up shaking her head as their friends groaned. Penelope even grabbed hold of one of Emily's arms and tried to pull her back down into her seat, but Emily resisted. She waved goodnight to the others, and looked over her shoulder at Morgan, giving him a sad smile before leaving the bar.

He approached the table, and told them he was going to make sure Emily got home okay. JJ and Rossi shot him worried glances but he ignored them as he followed Emily out. He saw her about a hundred metres ahead of him, and he ran to catch up with her.

A few metres away, she turned as she heard the hurried footsteps approaching. Emily had managed to keep the water from welling in her eyes before leaving the bar, but as soon as she was out the tears had formed. "Just go back to the bar Morgan," she told him as she turned away from him, her pace quickening.

Morgan stopped as he saw the trickle on her cheeks and she hastily wiped it away. "Emily I'm sorry," he told her.

"Will you stop saying that? It's not good for someone's ego if you keep apologising for kissing them. Or almost kissing them." She didn't stop walking, but Morgan was now walking beside her.

"I meant what I said back at the bar," he told her. "But you're with Greg, and I shouldn't have pushed you for an answer. From now on I will respect your relationship with him, I promise."

Emily slowed down. "I deserve to be with someone who can be with me," she told him.

"I know, and I won't come between you," Morgan promised.

"We haven't even spent the night together," Emily paled as she spoke those words, he didn't need to know that.

"Emily," he grabbed her wrist to stop her as he processed that information. He tipped her chin to make her look at him. "I need you in my life, as a friend if nothing else. Just be happy, please." The way his voice cracked as he pleaded with her made her resolve soften. She nodded her head as she agreed to his plea. They stared at one another for a moment, before Emily started walking again, Morgan trailing behind.

Emily turned her head and looked at him quizzically. "I'm walking you home," he explained. She nodded quickly. It was only a couple of blocks.

They walked the rest of the way in silence. "Thank you," she told him as they stood outside of her building. They stood there for a few minutes, gazing into one another's eyes, before Morgan turned to walk away.

He was a few steps away when he heard her whisper, though to him it was like she had shouted it out. "He asked me to go away for the weekend."

Author Note – I promise it's not back at square one. Please don't kill me.


	8. Chapter 8

Author Note – I just want to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed and been following, there is one more chapter after this. Let me know what you think.

Losing What You Can't Have – chapter eight

They were called away on a case on the Tuesday before Emily was due to go away for the weekend with Greg. There had been four girls taken, all found dead, their bodies branded and mutilated after they had been stabbed. The fifth was abducted on Monday night.

Wednesday night, Emily stood in the corner of the police squad room staring at the pictures of the bodies, she couldn't tear her eyes away from photographs and the marks the Unsub had left on them pre-mortem. Absentmindedly her hand hovered over her own scar. She felt Morgan approach her from behind, and heard him clear his throat before holding out a cup of coffee to her. She turned and gave him a small smile of thanks as she accepted the warm drink.

"Are you okay?" He asked his voice full of concern.

"The pain these women must have felt before they died was immense, and he continued long after they were dead. Now we have to hand their bodies over to their families for their funerals. Their last memory of those girls will be of what he did to them. They will see those marks, those scars, and all of them will know what they went through before dying," she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I just wish there was a way to spare them that knowledge."

"I know," he told her gently. He had been watching her closely since the start of the case, knowing that the branded signs on the victims would get to her. She had been the first to point it out in their briefing. By the time they had landed, the press had gotten hold of the information and JJ had tried to keep it out of the public's knowledge. Unfortunately, they had arrived too late.

Emily felt him move closer, the side of their bodies brushing against one another, his warmth comforting her. She leant into him slightly for a moment before moving away and taking a sip of her coffee. The last ten days had been easier for them. He had given her the space she needed to think after she had told him about spending the weekend with Greg.

"_Are you going to go?" _

"_I said I would."_

"_Do you want to go?"_

She had told him she wanted to explore her relationship with Greg, she deserved that chance. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Morgan started to say something but he changed his mind and promised again to respect their boundaries before walking off. Emily had felt a pang of disappointment as he walked off, once again not giving her a reason to not go. Maybe that was what she wanted to hear when she told him about it.

Emily spent Sunday in her apartment wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa watching old movies, thinking over everything that had happened, trying to decide what she wanted. Mid-afternoon her doorbell rang and Emily opened her door to Greg. They had discussed their weekend away, among other things, and spent the rest of the evening eating popcorn and watching a comedy that Emily didn't pay much attention to.

Monday morning, she had arrived at the office feeling better than she had in weeks. No one mentioned her early departure on Saturday night, and most of the morning was spent catching up on paper work. She ventured into Morgan's office before lunch, needing to review his file for her report. After an awkward moment, Morgan made a joke which she couldn't help but laugh at. Since then they had been more comfortable around one another. They avoided talking about them, choosing to keep to safe topics. Emily felt guilty as she noticed how the whole team seemed more relaxed as she and Morgan started to indulge in their light teasing again. She knew Morgan shouldered a lot of the blame for that.

He had been hovering since the beginning of the case, and Emily inwardly she was happy Hotch had been pairing them on the case. She found his presence, the last few weeks aside, calming. Emily would never admit it out loud but since her return to the team, she had found the cases they dealt with more unnerving. It was wearing her down, and the current investigation had been particularly hard to process. The night before, Emily had stood in front of the mirror, tears streaming down her face as she stared at the contorted scar on her abdomen and the barely there mark that was left behind when she had the brand that Doyle left on her removed. In the end she'd thought back to her night with Morgan, when he had made her feel loved and worshiped as he stroked and kissed the scars that marred her body.

Early that morning, Emily had approached Hotch and asked she could take a step back. He had agreed to let her work from the station, sending Reid and JJ into the field while she and Morgan worked with the police officers.

"Emily," Morgan's voice broke through her thoughts. "Hotch said we should all get some sleep, take a fresh look in the morning."

Emily nodded. She knew sleep would evade her again tonight, but she didn't want Morgan to worry more than he already was. They joined the rest of the team at the entrance of the squad room, and they made their way to the motel. Emily sat in the passenger front seat; her head resting against the window as she listened to Morgan and Reid discuss where to get dinner. Hotch, Rossi and JJ were following them in the other vehicle.

"Hey Prentiss, help me out. Indian or Chinese?" Morgan asked her.

"Huh?" Emily asked.

"What do you wanna eat? Reid and I can't decide. You make the choice for us," Morgan told her.

"Chinese," Emily said. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Morgan grin while Reid's defeated groan came from the back seat. She flashed the younger man an apologetic smile over her shoulder. He replied with a guilty lip quirk, and Emily realised they had deliberately disagreed to bring her out of her thoughts. She wondered what she had done to deserve friends like these.

The following morning, Emily had felt better. She was examining the reports taken by the police from people responding to the press release when she found it. A professor at a local college recognised one the brands that a former student used to doodle on their work.

Emily and Morgan had gone to interview the professor for more details. She had dug out some of the students old drawings which had a doodle of the brand in the corner by the signature. The professor had given them the students' folder for evidence. They did a quick double check with Garcia for an address, before telling Hotch what they had found.

They had gone to the address, questioning the young man who answered the door. He wasn't fazed when they identified themselves; in fact he seemed to grow more confident as they questioned him about his sketches.

A scream had filled the house, and both Agents had drawn their guns. The Unsub had been undeterred and lunged at Morgan with his knife, slashing his arm. Emily had fired a shot which brushed his shoulder, and he dropped the knife, grunting as he put his arms in the air as Morgan cuffed him. Morgan had stayed upstairs, calling for back up while Emily checked the house for the source of the scream. She found the girl tied in the basement. The girl was covered in cuts and burns from the torture. There was a furnace in the corner of the room, there were branding irons sitting in the heat.

Emily released the girl, bracing her as she slumped to the floor after being tied up for so long. Emily heard the sirens, signalling the imminent arrival of back up and paramedics. She was trying to calm the girl down, as she heard people racing down the stairs. Morgan emerged from the stairwell first, followed by the medical staff, Hotch and Rossi. The girl cowered into Emily as the others approached.

"Morgan, go with Prentiss and girl, get your arm checked," Hotch told him as he surveyed the room.

The victim wouldn't let Emily go, so she accompanied her to the hospital. Morgan was assessed and was told he needed stitches, and was put into another ambulance. At the hospital the doctor sedated the victim and Emily was able to talk to her family. She'd hunted down Morgan in the emergency room, being directed by a nurse to a curtained off cubicle. Slipping inside, Emily saw Morgan struggling to put his shirt back on. Emily took the material from his hands, smoothing the material with her hands as their eyes met. All the emotion from the case came pouring out of her as she engulfed him in her arms, Morgan's arms wrapped around her as he held on to her for a long moment. Emily felt the relief flow through her as she realised the case was over.

They returned to the police station to watch the end of the interrogation. They listened as the suspect, who had only needed paramedic treatment, boasted to Rossi how he made the branding irons himself, wanting his design to be permanent.

They finished the hand over to the locals quickly before heading to the airport, no one wanted to stay another night in the town. Emily curled up in the chair opposite Morgan, pulling the blanket around her as she rested her eyes.

"It'll be good to have a weekend off after this," Rossi commented as he took the seat next to Emily.

"Are you still going away this weekend, Emily?" Reid asked as he sat next to Morgan.

Emily turned to the younger man, avoiding Morgan's gaze. He shifted uncomfortably and looked out of the window as she answered. "Yeah, it should be quite relaxing."

"_You don't want to go, do you?" Greg asked as they watched the film._

"_Greg," Emily sighed. "It's not that I don't want to…"_

"_Look Emily, I don't expect anything to happen. It's a two bedroom. We can go at the pace you want to set."_

_Emily's eyes flashed as he said that. "This isn't fair to you," she told him as she reached out for his hand. _

"_You have feelings for someone else," Greg stated. "It's okay, I've known for a while," he reassured when he saw the guilt in her eyes. _

"_I'm sorry," she didn't try to deny it. Emily had decided that Greg deserved the truth; he deserved to find someone who wanted the same things he did. _

"_I admit that I'm disappointed," he paused. "But the way I look at it, is I went on a blind date and met a wonderful woman who I hope will continue to be my friend." Emily smiled softly at him as she nodded. _

_Emily had gone on to explain what had happened with Morgan, apologising for bringing him into the middle of it. Greg admitted he'd been holding himself back because he realised Emily had feelings for Morgan after the first night he'd met the team. Emily confessed that she was still confused about Morgan. _

"_You really sound like you need to get away for a while," Greg told her. "You could go, on your own I mean, if you want," he offered._

"_I couldn't…"_

"_Why not?"_


	9. Chapter 9

Losing What You Can't Have – chapter nine

For the rest of the plane journey, Emily stayed to herself, alternating between reading her book and trying to get some sleep. She sent a text to Greg before they boarded the plane explaining they were on their way back and she would still be able to go away. He'd been very insistent that she still go, just to get away for a few days.

"_You've been great about everything Greg; I don't want to take advantage of that. I would feel like I'm imposing."_

_Greg gave her a reassuring smile. "You're not," he told her. "If it would make you feel better, I can still come, just as friends." _

_Emily sighed, cursing herself for not wanting anything beyond friendship with this man. "You deserve more than I can give." _

_After watching Morgan walk away from her, she'd let herself into her apartment getting a glass of water before crawling into bed. Emily hadn't been able to sleep, her thoughts concentrated on her relationships with both men. She'd told Morgan that she wanted to explore her relationship with Greg, but she knew that the relationship wouldn't go anywhere beyond the where it was. It wouldn't have been fair to him to continue dating him. _

_Emily did like Greg. He was smart, funny, caring, understanding and handsome. But she didn't feel that spark. _

"_And you deserve to be happy," Greg told her. "You and Morgan need to talk about what you both want. It can't be just one of you making the decisions for both of you."_

Her eyes were shut, but she could feel someone watching her. Opening her eyes slightly, Emily found herself looking into Morgan's. The lights on the plane were muted and everyone else was sleeping. Shortly after take-off, Reid had moved to the couch to lie down, while Rossi had wanted to discuss something with Hotch, and he had settled opposite the Unit Chief.

The moment they shared in the emergency room still fresh in her mind, Emily shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He didn't know she and Greg had decided to be just friends. Emily returned his stare, refusing to look away from him. She had thought a lot about what she wanted, what Morgan said.

"Don't go," Morgan whispered.

"You want to do this here?" Emily asked just as quietly, incredulous that he would start this now.

"If this is my last chance, then yes." Emily's eyes darted around the dark cabin, everyone was sleeping, and all the overhead lights were off. No one stirred at the sound of their voices. Her gaze returned to Morgan as he leant forward to grasp her hand. "Emily, please…"

"We can't do this here," she told him, pulling her hand from his grasp.

He'd done as he'd promised and given her the space she wanted. He'd been doing a countdown in his head to this weekend, his anxiety increasing as it drew nearer. The panic set in when Reid asked if she was still going. Morgan had secretly hoped she would call it off because of the emotionally draining case.

"Then come to mine after we land, to talk."

"Every time we talk, we go around in circles. It's exhausting," she explained softly. "I'm tired Morgan, I just want to go home and sleep," she told him. She had to look away from him then; his pained expression was too much for her to bear.

Morgan shook his head slightly. He knew she was right. This was his fault, because he wasn't brave enough to take a chance, not brave enough to hold onto her, because he was too scared of losing her. He'd felt a flicker of hope as she had clung to him in the emergency room, but now sitting opposite her that hope was dwindling. It felt like he'd lost her completely.

But he wasn't going to walk away this time. He couldn't lose her. "Talk to me Emily," Morgan begged. "If not tonight, in the morning."

Emily felt like confessing everything, but she couldn't bring herself to. She needed time to herself; she was weary, physically and emotionally. Looking down at the table between them, she saw his hand twitch before slipping his hand into hers again. This time she allowed the action, brushing her thumb across his. She swallowed before slowly raising her eyes to his. She couldn't give up on him, and Emily found herself nodding as she looked into his eyes.

"In the morning," she told him. A look of relief came over him, as he sat up a little straighter and he sent her a grateful smile.

"Thank you, Emily," he said, moving his hand so their fingers intertwined. They stared at each other for a long moment, before they were startled by the sound of someone coughing in their sleep. Their hands snapped back, as they both looked in the direction of the noise. Reid was shifting in his sleep as he rolled from his side onto his back.

Once he had settled again, Morgan turned back around and he found Emily looking at him warmly. It gave him courage that all was not lost. He kept his gaze on her as he settled back into his chair, and she shifted to get into a comfortable position, leaning her head back on the chair. When her eyes closed, Morgan allowed his own eyes to shut as he felt his body relax.

….

The following morning, Morgan opened the door to Emily. "Hi," he greeted.

"Hi," Emily replied, somewhat hesitantly as she passed him.

"How did you sleep?"

"Better now that guy isn't free to hurt more girls," she told him as she went into the living room. Standing in the middle of the room, she turned to him as he followed her in. "You said you wanted to talk."

He nodded as he came to stand in front of her. Emily resisted the urge to step away back from him as he entered her personal space. "What do you want from me Morgan?" She asked him when he didn't start talking, her voice was quiet but he could hear the tense edge to it.

"I don't want you to go," Morgan replied.

"Why?"

"You know why Emily," Morgan said, his hands rose of their own accord, but he stopped them just short of touching her waist.

Emily turned to look out of the window, biting her lip. She felt herself getting angry that he couldn't take that final step and admit what he wanted. She needed to hear him say it. She knew he was scared, she was too. "I need more than that." She went to move past him.

Morgan finally let his hands rest on her hips, holding her in place. As soon as she felt him touch her, Emily's eyes shot to where his hands were before she turned back to his face. "I don't want to lose you," Morgan admitted.

"You walked away, you didn't you talk things through with me, you expected me to go along with everything you said."

"I've been an idiot, I shouldn't have done that," Morgan told her. "I thought it would be easier for the both of us. I realise now that it's not going to change how I feel or how I will react. After Doyle, I was focused on finding him I wanted him to pay for what he did to you. I was scared that I would do something that would jeopardise the rest of the team."

"I understand that. But we could have worked through it. We were working through that, before that night."

"I know and I'm sorry I didn't talk things through with you," he said. She allowed him to pull her closer. "Stay," he said as he leant his forehead against hers.

"We decided to be friends," she whispered. Morgan looked confused. "After that night at the bar, I told Greg I couldn't keep seeing him, it wasn't fair to him. Greg knew there was something between us," Emily confessed. "I was holding myself back." Realisation dawned on his face as he tightened his grip on her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was using it as protection I guess," her tongue darted out to wet her suddenly dry lips. "It gave me the space I needed. The last few months have been confusing and overwhelming. Greg knew I needed to get away, I'm going away on my own."

"Do you still need that?" Morgan understood how the last few weeks had taken their toll.

"I would like to," Emily nodded.

"When you get back, can we start over? I know I don't deserve another chance…"

"We both do," she paused. "What about the team? And the regulations?"

"Hotch may mentioned something about keeping it private," Emily's eyes bulged at the new information.

"Hotch knows?" That didn't really shock her, more that he had approached Morgan and given his approval.

"Yeah," Morgan gave a small smile. "So, what do think?"

"What do you want Morgan?"

"You," he told her. "I'm not walking away from you anymore. I thought I could, as long as you were happy. But I can't."

Emily closed her eyes as she listened to him talk, relief filling her as he said the words she had wanted to hear for so long. "I want to take things slow."

"Anything you want," Morgan nodded against her. Emily opened her eyes as she felt him move closer. His hand came up to cup her face as she tilted it up. He paused briefly before breaching the small gap between them, capturing her lips in his.

'Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy..anger... tears... laughter...It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.' KEIICHI MORISATO

Author Note – Thank you for reading and following. All of your comments have been wonderful. That's where I'm leaving this story, please let me know what you think.


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